The world’s gone flotilla mad.

27 06 2010

Flotilla is one of those words that doesnt really get out much, but when it does, oh boy does it have a lot of making up for lost time to do.

Surely, the flotilla, or at least the idea of a flotilla as some sort of expression of protest is now so over done that we have all lost interest?

First there was the ill fated Turkish Flotilla, with its quest to batter the living shit out of a few Israeli commandos. That didnt go too well.

Then there was the Irish attempt, which was an anti-climax in which no one really got hurt or killed, although I did hear of more than one case of Israeli caused, sea-sickness. Those bastards, have they no decency?

Now we have the Flotilla of the daughters of Mary, Flotilla against peace, Flotilla for Peace, a US Flotilla (only once around the statue of liberty, alas) in aid of kidnapped Israeli Soldier Gilad Shalit.

I for one am amazed at this maritime madness. I can only assume that ALL of the aforementioned Flotillas are organised by people with absolutely nothing better to do.

Jaysus, get up, go to work, pay the mortgage and feed the wife and kids; or get on a boat and pick a fight with one of the world’s most aggressive military outfits? Mmmm, no brainer really.

Personally, I just have to so much look at a boat and I get sea sick and the word Flotilla instantly casts images of unflushable faecal matter which is precisely what these ill advised so called humanitarian efforts amount to.

What next? Bono, Chris Martin and Sir Bob Geldoff getting together to arrange Flotilla Aid? A concert put together by do-gooder idiots to raise much needed funds for the world’s most violent terrorists?

Its all a matter of taste. Bad taste.

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Going Nuts- Consider the Squirrel

19 10 2008


Just Some Innocent Fun- No Squirrels Were Harmed In Writing This Piece

If like me, the mind numbing drudgery of everyday life, makes you wonder why you bother getting up in the morning- spare a little thought for the squirrels.

What have they ever done to deserve the credit crunch, freak floods, freak storms, global warming, HIV and radical Islam?

I was passing a squirrel just the other day, gnawing on a nut. As I handed the nut to the squirrel, I decided that on reflection it’s probably a preferable option to be a squirrel as opposed to a human fighting their way through the shit-storm of everyday life.

The very next morning, I climbed in a tree and began working my way through a bag of mixed nuts. By eleven AM, I was beginning to suffer vertigo and was developing a terrible thirst from all the nuts I had eaten. That’s when I got to thinking. What do squirrels drink? In fact, come to think about it, I had never seen a squirrel drink anything before. Perhaps that’s how squirrels die.

I woke up an hour and a half later, nursing a large, throbbing bump on the back of my head and picking bits of tree out our my hair. It was then that I decided I wasn’t cut out for Squirreling.

So I walked back into work, and tried to convince them to give me my job back.

“But your exact words were, ‘Shove your oppressive job up your capitalist arses and go fuck yourselves’. No I don’t think we will reconsider your hasty ‘resignation’. “

So much for sympathetic management.